The attendance exceeded my expectations. We had many friends and relatives attend to honor Pam. But we had others that we have not seen in twenty years. Pam was an avid candle pin bowler. Some friends from bowling and from the couples softball league were there. She worked for JC Penney for eighteen years. We had people that she had hired at JCP. It is particularly noteworthy that the first five people in the door were from my caregivers support group. They were there to honor Pam and to support me. They understand better than anyone, how difficult this is. I thank my brothers for being here.
I was not looking forward to the day. There are so many triggers that bring on the tears. Seeing old friends would bring back other memories. I was also worried about the girls. Would this be the time when the reality of losing their mother would really hit? But they have shown strength. They have really focused on the details of this celebration of life. Many of the pictures depict Pam's wonderful smile. That smile will only be a memory. Her hug will only be a memory.
Next it is on to the burial. We chose an urn made for burial at sea. When I went to buy it, it was no longer available. But I found one out in Colorado and it arrived Friday. Now I need to call the boat captain and schedule a date. This will only be for family and her sisters. We will let each person say their goodbyes and toss a flower. Then the urn should start to dissolve and sink. Then the quiet ride back to harbor.
Right now I am staring at a picture of Pam and Laura. They are both smiling. Laura did that to Pam. Whenever Laura arrived , Pam lit up with a smile. Laura had such an impact on Pam's quality of life for the past year. I will forever be indebted. Laura helped Pam get joy from the simplest things. Hunting for Easter eggs filled with candy. Making a snowman at the dining room table in a pan of snow from outside. Putting on Pam's makeup and combing her hair. While I was grieving over what the dementia was doing to Pam's quality of life, Laura was evoking joy and happiness from Pam. Just how are we measuring her quality of life? Even during the final decline, Laura was there for Pam. Yea, she got paid to do this. But it takes an enormous heart to bring joy to declining patients. She was able to stop by the celebration for a short time. She got hugs and accolades from me, from the three girls, and from Pam's sisters. If she didn't before, she clearly knows how much all of us are appreciative of her enormous contribution.
I should also give praise to Home, Health & Hospice of Merrimack. The nurses, the social worker, the home health aids, and the volunteers were all very professional and very caring. They did all they could to see that Pam was well taken care of. That she was comfortable. And that she was not in any pain. Thank you.
What is next? I don't know. I have a list of projects around the condo. I am working at turning this blog into a book. A book that I can leave behind for my family. And maybe a book that other dementia caregivers could get some value from on how to deal with the strong emotions that come from being a caregiver. For now, I am going to continue this blog. I still need to recover from the loss of part of me. Right now I feel like I am rattling around in an empty box.
Lastly, I wanted to share the slide show that I put together to celebrate Pam's life. We had it playing during the celebration. But for those that could not make it, I offer it as a way to remember Pam. If you knew her, this will definitely ring some bells. Enjoy...
Blessings to you and your family, Cuz. You've shone through this difficult time. Much love
ReplyDeleteIt was our pleasure to attend your remembrance of Pam. Thank you for including us. We really are a brotherhood!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for continuing the journey... and sharing the details and slide show... it does mean a lot to those of us who are making or have made the journey. Be at peace...
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